So yesterday I wrote one of the most personal and emotional pieces I have ever written and the reaction was to say overwhelming but in a good way. Many didn’t know how good of a writer I really was. Though, at the same time, it brought people to tears which was not my intention but I guess when you write from the heart it brings out emotions you never knew you had. It was hard for me to write as well. I think at one point it started to hit me as well but I had to finish writing it and there was so much more that had to be said which is why I am writing this part two or as I like to think of it an addendum.
Last time around, I was asking myself questions that may never have answers but aside from that, it turns out that my sister, who for years, wanted to make the move began having doubts as it got closer to the “big day” which is normal. But after writing my previous post, I started to wonder if she really was doing this for her or for the children. Like me, she lived in Israel but she stayed an extra year because she loved it so much which makes me wonder why she never stayed there for good. It’s not for everyone true but I sensed her love was there which showed from an early age. Honestly, her husband is Israeli so it would have been easier if they just moved there after they married (of course they both had jobs at the time.. Somewhat) but I do believe that it may have been better off if her kids were born there.
I say this because her son was scared of moving there and I felt bad for him. He’s 7 and he kept saying “Mommy I don’t want to go because the Arabs will hurt me”. Going to Israel is a new world for him. How do you explain to him the situation? How do you explain why Mommy and Daddy are moving away? How would a 7 year old react to a place where soldiers are always walking around with guns? Then my Niece who is 4. How will she react? How will she handle it? In a way, I feel sorry for them.. No, maybe that’s not the right word… I feel bad for them.. It’s hard when you are at that age and you have to leave the friends you have to go to a place you’ve never been to with a language you don’t know. Finally, the newborn niece that’s only a few weeks old. This one hits me the most because I will never see her grow. I will never get to know her. She will never know who I am and that hurts me the most. My other question is: Will the other 2 forget me? I won’t be around to see them grow up. No more birthdays. I won’t even be there for his Bar Mitzva or her Bat Mitzvah (unless by some miracle I happen to be there). I have to be man enough here to admit that I’m not sure I can deal with this or even if I know how or if I even want to. My sister is scared. She regrets it but sadly, they need to stay for 3 years before returning or the money they got will be forfeited.
Because I have lived there, I am able to write about all this. I can also say that I know what she’s going through which I guess makes me understand certain things better. Although my going was more forced and not a choice. I ask myself what would have been if I had the choice instead? Would I have gone? I don’t think I can answer that because it no longer matters. What does matter though is that she’s been there before so she knows what to expect although since we’ve both been there things changed. Though, I think it’s gotten worse.
There’s nothing more for me to say. I think I’ve said all I can about this so I will end with this. I hope her decision turns out to be the right one. I hope I am wrong. I hope my Nieces and Nephew grow up being happy instead of being miserable and I hope that one day I will be able to be there for their wedding. For now I wish you the best of luck and may G-D watch over you all. Be safe. I love and miss you all.