The Singles Crises

About a week ago, there was a conversation on Facebook about singles events and how effective they really are. It really depends on who you ask as you will get many different answers. Over the years, I have been on many. Some good. Some bad and some in between. While I won’t go into many details, I will explain how I feel about these things

Going in With Expectations

One problem facing this issue is that people go into these things with expectations and when they aren’t met they deem it a failure and what many don’t realize is that you can’t go into an event like this with any expectations. You need to go with the flow and see what happens. Why go in with expectations anyway? Why not just go and have a nice time, meet new people and have a nice “vacation”? 

WHO’S IN CHARGE?

    Very important to know for a few reasons:

1) Do they have any experience?

2) What is their reputation like?

3) Do they care about their singles?

Let’s address these three:

First, do they have any experience running weekends, events or anything else? In my opinion, there’s having experience and having “experience”. If you go to an event or a weekend of any type, you can sometimes tell if the person/s running it knows what they are doing or not. Presentation is the main factor.

Next you wanna know what their reputation is like? VERY IMPORTANT. Why would I, or anyone else for that matter, want to go to an event that is run by someone who can’t be trusted, dishonest, unethical or even take responsibility for their actions? I have actually seen this happen and to this day, I don’t understand why people continue going on this person’s events when they have no responsibility whatsoever not to mention so unorganized?

Do they care about the people that are on their events? I hope so because when you are paying a lot of money to go on these things you want to know that it is worth it. If I’m told that  “Mickey Mouse” was going to show and I get “Bugs Bunny” instead, I wouldn’t be happy. Now there are organizers who will say that it’s better then nothing but see that’s a problem. If you advertise it and you substitute for something else, that’s misleading. I came knowing that A was going to be there but now B is there instead and I have no interest in seeing B.

But the other thing is this: Is the organizer making sure that I am having a good time? If you are shy or have problems meeting new people, will they help you? Will they be around when needed? 

Sadly, there are some organizers that are in it just for the money. So much so that they will make events and getaways that are overpriced without thinking about whether or not a person can afford it. The idea is to start low and work your way up. Why would someone go to an event for $450 and not so much to offer  when they can go to a similar one for $199 and get better things out of it?

My main question is this though: Why are there people in various communities who don’t endorse these or if they do, do so privately? What are they against? Matchmakers aren’t always the answer because not everyone is comfortable using them and not all of them are trustworthy or reliable. In my opinion, it is better to go away with your peers for 4 days and get to know each other (which, believe it or not, you can do) then go back and forth. These Rabbis don’t understand that the times have changed. That there’s a new generation of singles doing things their way. Instead of understanding the issue and wanting to talk about it, the Rabbis blame the internet… Why though? Don;t they see that dating sites are useful? That many engagements/marriages came from them?

What we should do is come together as a whole and openly discuss the issue and try to figure out how to resolve it. What can we do to fix it? Why are people scared or afraid to talk about it? Why are people close minded about it? People should look at the big picture?

These events work. I’ve seen. Others have as well. They don’t always do but I’m convinced that it’s based on the individual. Sometimes the crowd plays a role in it but if you go in with expectations you are more then likely to go away with a negative feeling.

In the end, if we we could have a dialogue with our Rabbis and if we can gather focus groups on the issues and how to fix them, then maybe there wouldn’t be such a crises.  Granted it will never be 100% resolved but we have to start somewhere.